- [her]: «how was your lunch?» - [me]: «awful. but i ate it anyway since this was all i had.» judging from her face i guess she was expecting a slightly more formal answer.
at work people keep on disappearing never to be spoken of again. in the afternoon, a bird flies by then loudly comes crashing into my window. and my heart stops. my throat is tight and my stomach is in knots. i'm scared to turn around fearful that death might be here and if ignore it it's going to be just fine. my hair smells like cigarette and on the bus a guy twice my size chooses to sit by my side, squeezing me towards the window. and inside i feel like i could die because i can hardly bear this. the intensity. sebastien-dahlin' calling me on my cell as i'm still stuck next to that window, awaiting my nearly coming deliverance.
----- wednesday 11th;
she didn't ask again how my lunch was.
- [him]: «would you happen to have a cigarette?» - [me]: «yes. but they're mine.»
«no one's picking up the phone guess it's me, and me and this little masochist, she's ready to confess all the things that i never thought that she could feel, and, hey, jupiter, nothing's been the same, so are you gay? are you blue? thought we both could use a friend to run to
sometimes i breathe you in, and i know you know and sometimes you take a swim, found your writing on my wall if my heart's soaking wet, boy, your boots can leave a mess hey, jupiter, nothing's been the same, so are you gay? are you blue? thought we both could use a friend to run to
no one's picking up the phone, guess it's clear he's gone and this little masochist is lifting up her dress guess i thought i could never feel the things i feel, and, hey, jupiter, nothing's been the same, so are you gay? are you blue? thought we both could use a friend to run to i thought i wouldn't have to keep with you... hiding
[i go from day to day i know where the cupboards are i know where the car is parked i know he isn't you]»
«i know that we've never met before but that was then, and now i need you more [...] taking me down off this cross lay me down, down, down in the dust whoa, love, take my hand across the crowd [...] i have no children i have no husband i have no reason to be alive, oh, give me one»
just a moment to thank to those who replied to this, whether here on lj or elsewhere. profusely crying into my pillow last night did a little bit of good & as for the rest i'm trying to cope the best that i can.
tue, jan 6th, '09 ♦ 04:01am
had my job interview monday afternoon. we were actually two being interviewed at the same time, and the other woman (a black lady probably in her late thirties) wouldn't stop babbling and babbling and babbling. which, i'm not sure why, i found rather endearing. i get so fascinated with people sometimes, i swear.
an answer should come about it later this week whether it's actually positive or negative. the pay's far from thrilling though i'm thinking it'd be nice to get it, regardless, even if just to escape from myself for a while.
fuck that movie's awesome. mom & i were dying in laughter last night.
i've been having a total panic attack crisis laying in bed for 2-3 hours and i can't sleep cuz my heart won't stop beating like crazy and i get hot like i'm menopausing. this hadn't happened to me in a year. not since before leaving to vegas.
f**king hell i don't know what to do!!!
i'm trying to change my mind off things any possible way there is.